Yes, the irony is that I am taking some time out of my dissertation to write this but I did feel the need to write this.
This is a bit of a Public Service Announcement and a bit of a pre-emptive apology for how crap I feel like I may be over the next few months.
In a nutshell if you are my friend, I bet I like you. I bet I think that you are funny or fun or supportive or kind or slightly mental or intelligent or that we have a bucket load of things in common or that you are just plain awesome and maybe you are a delightful combination of all of those things.
I can safely say that, having reached my thirties (don’t shout that now), I truly appreciate the value of having friends. And having good friends to boot. If I still act like I like you I’m going to go out on a limb and say that I probably do.
Which is why I feel very guilty about the fact that I’m probably going to be a very bad friend for the next few months. If I am unable to meet up with you, or cancel plans or just take an extraordinarily long time to come back to you on what seems like a simple question then I am very sorry.
This is the final push on my Master’s degree. I am fully ensconced in Dissertation mode and that final deadline of the 6th May. It seems quite minor to most but to me this is a huge deal. I may be trying to explain to you at some point in the near future why I can’t make your particular event or why we may have to catch up properly post 6th May. I apologise for this and hope I don’t miss some really cool stuff.
My pre-emptive apology is also for the fact that I may cancel on you. I may have gotten over confident with how much time I think I have or how much capability I think I have to do something and then agree to certain social events which then I realise I can’t attend.
Believe me, I feel guilty and it also pains me. I like being social. I much prefer going out and seeing people I like then re-editing the same Literature Review five times and panicking at 3am because ‘I’m just not getting it.’ And by that I mean what the hell I am supposed to be doing with said Literature Review and also sleep. I sure miss sleep.
My weekdays consists of me leaving the house at 7.20 and not returning until 18.30. I get to take a wonderful half hour break for dinner before I start digging into my Masters which I do until my tired puffy eyes give up. Then I get the entire weekend to focus on it. Yay.
I have done this practically every day for the past three years. Minus those glorious months off in the summer where I have left my hovel and have practically sobbed into the fresh air.
I think I felt a bit like this guy:-
Essentially I just want to let people know that this is the final push. The last four months that I will be an anti-social, tired bore.
I know that other people have busy lives and more pressing worries that are constantly on their mind and they are extremely important and valid. I think what I am trying to say is that I am just a girl, sitting in front of her computer telling people why she may be a disorganised ditz and trying to get them to understand why. (Shout out to Notting Hill for the prompt. Most helpful).
My main concern is that I don’t want to have wasted three years of study and a shed load of money to fall at the final hurdle. That and the fact that Huw and I have been together 5 and a half years and 3 of those has been spent with me behind a computer or a mountain of textbooks. We may actually have to have a proper conversation and you know, get to know each other, when this is all done. I might find out things I never knew. Like what he’s been doing in the workshop this entire time.
Is it this? Or this? Or even this?? Stay tuned viewer and we will found out in May.
Huw has done an excellent job at keeping me and the zoo alive during this time so he does deserve massive kudos for that.
Basically I’m asking you to bear with me. I’m sorry if I’ve been bad. Sometimes I’ve felt so tired and so stressed I haven’t been able to convey it properly in words. I may have just sobbed at you if you’re one of those (un)lucky people.
I’m also sorry if I am bad in the next few months. Give me a nudge and see how I am. I’d probably appreciate it and wouldn’t realise how fast the time has gone. Maybe ask me how my dissertation is going. Hell, maybe even ask me what my dissertation is about. Even if you switch off halfway through and recount episodes of TV that you have watched I will sure appreciate your pretend interest and will ignore those glazed over eyes.
I can’t wait to properly have a life again that doesn't involve studies or watching the kitten destroy our carpet. I bet I miss you.
