Oh How Crap Am I

What the title says. Except it should say 'Oh How Crap I Am.' It's been a while since I've written but thats because I have genuinely 100% absolutely been 120% completely busy. I promise.

What's nice is that I've been too busy living life that I haven't had much time to write about it. However what's the point of doing 'stuff' and having a blog if you're not going to brag over the internet about it. Though I suppose thats what Facebook is for.

This isn't going to be long because I have to gather full steam to write what I want to write but I've been too busy (of course) skivving off the work sports day to write and the guilt is making me tired.

I won't forget you, I'll try and do less stuff and think less and sit still and do nothing and then I can write crap all day long rather than write crap for 30 seconds before posting it.

So here I go posting it, I will be better next time. That's another promise.



P.S. I do want to say hullo, not hello, but hullo to my one and only follower 'The Fuzzy Duck.' I am smiling at you daily even if you do not see me.

Gerrypendance Day and Drunk Dodgeball

Guys.

Thanks.

I like to think that you know who you are and I really hope you do because 'thanks' isn't really a good enough word to express anything that needs to be said. If you're reading this and thinking 'is she meaning me?' and I am and you didn't know than that is an epic shortcoming on my part.

But thanks. I very much mean that. Much.

Ahem. So sentiment over here is my lil' blog on the 18th June, aka Gerrypendance Day.

An end came to pass on the 17th June with the tenancy finally over on Flat 10 and my (rather overdue) half of the rent having been paid so that everything managed to get wrapped up and I personally felt a heck of a lot better from it. Ages ago I knew that I would be upset by the 17th, one door closing and all that but I knew that it wasn't the 17th I wanted to remember.

When one door closes another one opens and so on the 18th June I decided that I wanted my nearest and dearest to celebrate Gerrypendance Day with me. The day in which a brand new beginning would start.

After much cajoling we (the ladies) agreed that we would let the boys watch their beloved football game (something about England and the World Cup- I dunno) and so we started off in Old Orleans. When I arrived, fashionably late, Tonto, Bon Bon and The Fuzzy Duck were zoned out like dribbling fools in front of the tv screen. Fuzzy Duck having made the monumental decision to drink for the first time in ten years or so was sat beer in hand. Half a beer in an hour and a half. So far so, well, fail.

The ladies, Heterosexual Life Partner (thereafter known as HLP), Elegant Lady, Iced Gems and Bionica arrived along with Mr. Elegant Lady and so in the words of Pink, we got the party started.

For a while the party did consist of football and drooling but we soon got cracking on the shots and boy did we get cracking. To his credit Fuzzy Duck managed to get a few more beers in him and also a shot or two. Personally no one would have done the weird tabasco shot that was foisted upon him but after one (and another) exceptionally wonderful and pert bribe the shots were gone. Success.

We managed to get down to Divas, the area's local gay bar, without whinging (much). After watching two nubile young lesbians bounce up and down the dance floor we joined in aside from the Fuzzy Duck who by this point was vacantly staring at the ceiling. So far so good. I do believe a few unleashed the inner gay person within and managed to enjoy themselves despite the worry that every single person in that place would crack a move. If only that happened every time we left the house. Sigh.

Getting to the area where we were going to engage in our next monumental task 'Drunk Dodgeball' was more of an effort for me than anyone else I swear it. Fuzzy Duck drunk involves lots of random walking off the pavement into the oncoming traffic, star gazing, drifting over to shop windows when no one is watching to stare at the shop lights and plenty of random farting.

I would just like to point out that he did make it to the final destination intact. Yay me.

Drunk Dodgeball, and finding the exact area to play the game is a skill. Perfectly a dead end road near me was completely empty and we could use the road line as the game divider. On reflection we were pretty lucky we didn't break any of the nice and shiny shop windows I saw the next morning when I walked through.

I honestly couldn't tell you who was on whose team, or who won. What I can tell you is that Fuzzy Duck and Tonto acted like they were Rambo and there is a very strong chance that Iced Gems is in fact Rambo. The woman is like Terminator in the Drunk Dodgeball world. It got to the point where we decided that the best fun was the kind where you try and smack as many balls into the face and body of your loved ones as you can.

We were joined by three randoms, Nameless Chick, Gregg and Lillicrap. I swear the last one is not made up. After hours of the drunken, random and oddy sore fun we swanned our way to the kebab shop and were home in time to hear the morning birds wake.

I'm not successfully conveying it all, but it was a great night.

Here's hoping for another very soon!

The Drunk Dodgeball Team

Drive-By Blog

If this seems like a rather hastily written and short blog thats because it is. Sorry.

I have my book of writing exercises in front of me and the next task is the Handbag Exercise. I am quite sad in that I am rather looking forward to this one-write down a list of six items to be found in a handbag without putting too much effort into what you're writing. Then construct a character, who would own the handbag and why are those things in there?

According to the writer of the task book you can tell a lot by a person by the contents of their bag and so you should be able to make up an entirely new person by what you find. It got me wondering, if I were a fictional character what would my (actual) bag say about me? Removing the rather obvious like phone, keys, purse etc.

So six random items:-

Shoelaces
No less than 4 pens
No less than 3 lip products
Rescue Remedy
Sunglasses
Two packets of painkillers

Oh dear. I've already got a mini-picture of this character and she's looking a bit neurotic if you ask me.

Here's my question then- what six random things do you pull out of your bag? What do they say about the character you're creating? Feel free to tell me and who knows maybe I'll get some inspiration from it.

(I'll update on 'D' soon I promise ;) )

The Wisdom That Could Not Be Imparted Because of Kodak

My mission to update this blog for my two, possibly three, loyal fans each week has thus far failed. Miserably. So I made myself a little list of tasks to do this evening and one of those was blog. Yes blog. Share with those who stumble upon my page the musings of a somewhat meandering mind and impart the wisdom that I have learnt each day since my last post.

However instead of the time lovingly crafting and editing a meaningful and worthwhile monologue on the joys of life and what I have done since I last spoke to the computer (last ever Lost, Comic Con, Guildford Cathedral Abseil, dinner with mildly crazed theatre peeps and my final liberation from Uber Stress) I instead spent 2 and half hours trying to download said Abseil photos from my camera onto the computer. Now having done that, I can not only be bothered to discuss the abseil but I can no longer be bothered to try and post pictures of the event either.

So with heartfelt sincerity and genuine emotion I can deliver the following...

F*** you Kodak EasyShare.

You are not easy nor do you share.

Many a person's life is now somewhat diminished because of you. I hope you sleep well tonight as tomorrow I unload you and use Camera and Scanner Wizard. Ha! Who gets the last laugh now??!!

Thirty Things I Have Done Since Last Blog

1. Forgotten to blog
2. Moved house
3. Discovered a new curry place
4. Forgotten to wish a friend happy birthday
5. Remembered to wish another friend happy birthday
6. Wistfully wandered
7. Discovered the existence of an old fashioned sweet shop in my town due to wistful wandering
8. Been mocked for liking comic books
9. Met with good friends who do not care that I like comic books for good beers
10. Wore my wellies to Cowpie Rally
11. For the first time in three years did not get sunburnt at Cowpie Rally
12. Had a small secret
13. Met with Bobanna for drinks in Guildford and re-discovered how excellent she is
14. Stank of wine in the morning
15. Came to the realisation that being a grown up isn't much fun some of the time
16. Fell out with a friend
17. Made up with same friend
18. Froze a nipple
19. Froze the other nipple
20. Gave a good friend a good surprise (thankfully!)
21. Got hit on by a rather good looking Henry VIII at same surprise
22. Learnt a painful truth
23. Congratulated a friend on something amazing
24. Made self painfully drunk on wine and danced like a fool in a new place
25. Clutched the bowl in my bedroom ever ever so tightly
26. Attended a chocolate making workshop with the worlds worst hangover
27. Saw a movie I didn't think I would like and liked it a lot
28. Booked a holiday
29. Panicked and cried at work
30. Had an ephiphany
31. Forgot to spellcheck ephiphany*

*so it's 31, so sue me**
** please don't- I'm in enough trouble as it is

How Did It Come To This?

The sad and painful truth of it all is that when something breaks down, a relationship, a friendship, anything that meant something- it doesn't always end as you would like it to. The person who has spent so much time with you seems to have warped from the person you knew into some strange creature that acts like cruelty is the new way of life and any time spent trying to talk to you is time wasted. I mean that about your own self as well you know.

I always believed that I could and would act with grace and dignity but when the situation worsened it turns out that I was potentially that person. Turns out I could easily be as cruel. That being said I have been in many, many (ahem too many) situations that weren't exactly soul enhancing experiences, but never before has anything ended with such venom. I would like to put my hand on my heart and say that honestly I'm not bothered but the very fact of the matter is, we only act like fools and desperate fools at that when we really truly feel something. Maybe I'll look back and go 'oh well that's some consolation, I only acted like a ravenous harpy because I cared too much' but I doubt it.

When you're in the moment with someone you don't think that they could ever hurt you, you don't think that their feelings towards you will ever change but after learning the hard way I've realised that anyone could eventually leave. Though I do wonder why they needed to leave by slamming the door so hard into my face when all I was doing was hovering aimlessly in the doorway ('tis a metaphor- no doors were slammed. Well...ok they were but I demand an exit).

One very odd but quite possibly fantastic thing has come from today...after receiving crappy texts one, two and three I bullied The Fuzzy Duck* into a challenge of epic proportions. After much discussion Elegant Lady* decided to join us....and so I bring you not very excited or anticipatory folks........

The Alphabet Challenge. Oh yes. It has begun.

*I never said your pseudonyms would be good ones.